As for love…you can learn to love and experience the ‘feeling’ of love as you heal your heart from past and present times of hurts and disappointments.  As you move towards healing from hurts, you will begin to build a door to your heart that you can then realize you control.  You can open it and close it as you need.  Shutting it to protect your heart and opening it when you want to let love out…for you see…that is where you begin to love.  That is how you learn to become vulnerable without fearing becoming a victim.

God’s love is yours and it is in you now.  Your hurts keep you from fully experiencing the joy of that love as you do not feel it is yours to experience.  So…continue the work of healing from hurts and learning how to let down your feelings of inadequacy where God’s love is concerned…then his love is experienced in your heart and all of a sudden you are ‘feeling’ love. 

When God’s love is experienced in your life, it can’t help but bubble up and spill out of you into the world around you.  Love is something that almost takes on a life of its own.  It moves, flows and surrounds you when you are willing to open your life to experience the gift of God’s love.  It is unconditional, unrelenting, never ending…it is always there and always honest…you do not have to do anything to ‘earn’ it.  Learn to let it be yours…

Read and study 1 Corinthians 13.  Paul writes how wonderful the gift of love is when we model our lives to live it.  When you begin to work on bringing more love into your life – you need to understand that it begins with you living love.  Paul tells us what that looks like.  Live love, then love will come flowing into your world. 

Being single myself, I know that sometimes I feel the void of affection in my world.  Sometimes I long for a touch, a hug, the all-knowing smile.  But, that it is affection – not necessarily love for which I hunger.  Affection is important but is different from love.  Affection is a result of being with someone who knows how to live love.  But it is important to remember that a life of love can be experienced no matter if I am married or single.

Love is how to live life.  Are you patient, kind, selfless, justice seeking?  Love is a way for you to live, not something for you to feel.  When experiencing affection, you can sometimes experience the ‘feeling’ of love.  But, when in the presence of a person who has been mean, abusive, absent from relationship – even if affection is shown, a ‘feeling’ of love may not be experienced.  To really experience love in life it is important to learn the difference between affection and love.  I know…it is easier said than done.  But the journey needs to begin with what you give – not what you receive.

Try living love today…see what happens in your world when you model living a day of love as we are called to live in 1 Corinthians 13.  It is yours!

I personally find I Corinthians 13 especially helpful for all who long for more love in life.  If you really are eager to experience God-like love, then this is the road-map to follow.  You cannot expect healthy love to come into your life until you learn what it looks like and how to love others and yourself in a healthy way.  Yes, you must learn how to live a life of love in order for you to experience love completely. 

I have taken Kelsey’s outline provided in his book and have expanded upon it slightly.

Love is…

Patient - 

Enduring trials and bearing pain calmly; can wait until the time is good; never gives up; is never picky or demanding; does not have expectations of others; deals without defensiveness with conflict and criticism even when things seem unfair; chooses actions rather than reactions to emotions; understands and appropriately respects personal boundaries in self and others.

Kind -

Is thoughtful; has a gentle, helpful, considerate nature; is empathetic, compassionate; gracious; merciful; worthy; good; useful; understanding and affectionate where it is proper.

Attentive –

Listens to others with patience; hearing what a person says and doesn’t say; sees the value of others and of the Holy Spirit who dwells in them; does not place value judgments on other’s stories; knows that only as we listen to others and share their burdens can we bring healing to them.

Consoling –

Recognizes the pain of grief and sorrow of others and reaches out to them where they are at; is therefore compassionate to them; is willing to be with suffering, dying, bereaving people without needing to hurry along their journey of grief.

Confident –

Is not jealous, envious or possessive and is not fearful of losing the affection and concern of others or of God; is friendly to all, no matter what the circumstances; is secure in the knowledge that all will be well in the end.

Modest –

Is not boastful; not overbearing; not given to excessive pride; is not pompous or snobbish; reserved; unobtrusive and discreet; does not wish to be showy or to be the center of attention; is not a wind bag.

Humble –

Is not arrogant or proud; not overly convinced of one’s own importance; treats all others as human beings of equal value; knows all of us have sometimes failed; is not pushy or forceful with one’s opinion; is not judgmental or condemning of others.

Gracious –

Is never rude; is tolerant of the attitudes and feelings of others; does not behave offensively or in an unseemly manner; is not ill-mannered; is polite, courteous and proper; is civil.

Considerate –

Is yielding, compliant and flexible (respecting and understanding boundaries); thoughtful; accommodating; willing and able to listen; does not insist on or persist in pressing for or demanding one’s own way; is compromising; does not have expectations; is not selfish, self-seeking or self-centered.

Good-natured -

Is not easily stirred up to wrath; not irritable; not easily angered; not touchy, ill-tempered or easily provoked; not easily annoyed or exasperated; is easygoing; does not lose one’s head.

Forgiving –

Pardons the faults of others while honoring personal boundaries; does not have outbursts of rage; keeps no record of wrong even on oneself; is not resentful or hostile; is not inclined to feel bitterness or resentment; does not hold grudges; sees no human being as faultless; does not keep a tally of evils, injuries and nastiness.

Joyful –

Has joy in the righteous and kind; delights in the holy and is open to experiencing God’s truth; is jubilant when good appears; exalts in song and praise and love, never rejoices in the wrong, ugly or devious; is never happy about those who suffer evil or injustice; never delights in the hurts of others.

Playful –

Is merry (as if always celebrating the great cosmic drama of Christmas); does not take oneself too seriously; enjoys a playful interchange with human beings; is never afraid of laughing at oneself; never celebrates darkness, depression and dejection; is not sarcastic or does not make jokes at someone else’s expense.

Forbearing –

Puts up with and bears difficulties; persists when all seems hopeless; bears up under rejection; does not take personally the faults of others; keeps confidences and does not gossip; does not judge; does not complain about hardships; is tenacious in the face of evil or adversity.

Believing –

Trusts and accepts the truth; is open-minded to new truth; has a firm conviction that a loving Creator has made our universe and all of us; is always hoping to find truthfulness and goodness in others; does not project faults on others; is not overly doubtful or suspicious.

Hopeful –

Is encouraging; nurturing ; always expects the best in others (without being naïve or neglecting personal boundaries); looks forward to healthy goals with expectations of fulfillment; never expects the worst nor is happy with pessimism; is expectant; looks for the good in this world and the world to come; foresees the good.

Fair –

Is honest and strives to live a life of integrity (where one’s actions match his/her words); respects justice without demanding it in his/her time; takes a stand against prejudice, inequality, discrimination and unfairness.

Enduring –

Is faithful and steadfast; carries through in spite of difficulties and hardships; is respectful of fear, moving through it rather than stuck in it; stands firm when others flee; never gives up hope for self, others or the world; waits with solid confidence for God’s help.

Endless –

Is eternal; goes on forever, world without end; is unconditional; endures without limit; never ends; is divine, holy, Godlike; never drifts off course; never fails, loses or weakens in one’s conviction of love.