As for love…you can learn to love and experience the ‘feeling’ of love as you heal your heart from past and present times of hurts and disappointments.  As you move towards healing from hurts, you will begin to build a door to your heart that you can then realize you control.  You can open it and close it as you need.  Shutting it to protect your heart and opening it when you want to let love out…for you see…that is where you begin to love.  That is how you learn to become vulnerable without fearing becoming a victim.

God’s love is yours and it is in you now.  Your hurts keep you from fully experiencing the joy of that love as you do not feel it is yours to experience.  So…continue the work of healing from hurts and learning how to let down your feelings of inadequacy where God’s love is concerned…then his love is experienced in your heart and all of a sudden you are ‘feeling’ love. 

When God’s love is experienced in your life, it can’t help but bubble up and spill out of you into the world around you.  Love is something that almost takes on a life of its own.  It moves, flows and surrounds you when you are willing to open your life to experience the gift of God’s love.  It is unconditional, unrelenting, never ending…it is always there and always honest…you do not have to do anything to ‘earn’ it.  Learn to let it be yours…

Read and study 1 Corinthians 13.  Paul writes how wonderful the gift of love is when we model our lives to live it.  When you begin to work on bringing more love into your life – you need to understand that it begins with you living love.  Paul tells us what that looks like.  Live love, then love will come flowing into your world. 

Being single myself, I know that sometimes I feel the void of affection in my world.  Sometimes I long for a touch, a hug, the all-knowing smile.  But, that it is affection – not necessarily love for which I hunger.  Affection is important but is different from love.  Affection is a result of being with someone who knows how to live love.  But it is important to remember that a life of love can be experienced no matter if I am married or single.

Love is how to live life.  Are you patient, kind, selfless, justice seeking?  Love is a way for you to live, not something for you to feel.  When experiencing affection, you can sometimes experience the ‘feeling’ of love.  But, when in the presence of a person who has been mean, abusive, absent from relationship – even if affection is shown, a ‘feeling’ of love may not be experienced.  To really experience love in life it is important to learn the difference between affection and love.  I know…it is easier said than done.  But the journey needs to begin with what you give – not what you receive.

Try living love today…see what happens in your world when you model living a day of love as we are called to live in 1 Corinthians 13.  It is yours!

I love it when my sons come home.  I love being with them.  To spend time in shared discussion, games, laughter, even serious debate are some of my most joyful times.  My sons are two of the most precious people in the world to me and I will never have too much time with them!  They bring light and love into my world.  I will always praise God for the gift of my sons!

I often think that how I feel about my sons is just a hint of how God longs for us to be with Him.  He yearns for our company and hungers for our conversation in much the same way I long to be with Bradley and Steven.  Not because He wants to control us or dominate our time, but rather because of the lovely joy brought about by heartfelt relationship – a communion of intimacy that agape love can only bring.  He wants us to long for that time with Him.

Throughout my life as a parent, I have come to appreciate the desire in my heart that when my sons do come home, they do so because they want to – not out of obligation or duty – but because they long to connect with the love that they find here with me.  I pray that their souls are filled with the knowledge that within the walls of this home they can always find a love that will never die – they can always count on my love for them.  That doesn’t mean that I am always pleased at some of the choices they have made and the natural consequences that follow, but my love never fades…it never will die.

So is God’s love for you – never ending and unconditional!  Even if He isn’t happy with some of your choices, His love never ends.   “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.”  (Romans 8:38)  God’s desire is for you to experience this love above all others.  He loves you so much that he excitedly waits for the day when you freely and completely come to him so he can wrap his loving arms around you and welcome you home!

My prayer for you this season is that today is the day when you may be open to receiving the unconditional love God has waiting for you.  May your heart be open to experience and embrace the joy that God’s love promises.  May the peace that passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus this Christmas season and throughout our New Year! 

Merry Christmas and God bless you!

If you look around, there are signs of it everywhere.  Magazines advertise lotions and creams that smooth wrinkles and remove age spots.  Are you loosing hair?  No problem there are creams and shampoos waiting to help fill in the thinning patches.  You are told of make-ups that will minimize flaws in our skin and, if that doesn’t work, there are always injections or plastic surgery.  You can tuck your tummy, enlarge your breasts, lift your chin, transplant your hair, shape your buttocks, enlarge your pecks, vacuum your cellulite, and whiten your teeth…just to name a few of the options available to help us attain “perfection.”  The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported that there were over 12 million cosmetic procedures done in the United States during 2008.  This represented a 63% increase from the number of procedures done in 2000.  

 In your search for perfection, you are constantly challenged to buy the right automobile, be endowed with the most gorgeous figure, reside in the most suitable neighborhood, wear stylish clothes, attend the popular clubs, send your children to the best schools, travel to the most popular destinations, decorate your home in this year’s most glamorous colors and serve the most gourmet of meals on tastefully decorated tablescapesmade from the most gorgeous of serving pieces.  How can you possibly live up to that much perfection?  Even the ads created to promote these things are subject to special effects and airbrushing.  You can’t even believe the photographs or your own eyes anymore.

You are constantly bombarded with the message that “perfectionism” should be your ultimate goal.  It is no wonder that you transfer this need for perfection into all aspects of your daily lives.  You view yourself in the same high-standard, “need-to-be-perfect” way.  Unless you are perfect you find it difficult to believe that you are of value.  To satisfy your need to be loved (in spite of our insecurities) you often strive to do whatever you can, at almost any cost, to provide for the needs of those in your life.  If you could just attain perfection, then others would have to love you.  Right?  Well…maybe not…

Are you being genuine?

By giving more and doing more for others you long to secure their love.  But, you can never guarantee that someone will value you more if you give all of yourself to them or if you perfect yourself for them.  In your attempts to be loved, you may find yourself attempting to manipulate those around you to love you more because of what you are doing for them, rather than because of who you are as a person.  You want to become indispensable, vital, and important to the objects of your affection.  You think that if you please them, you feel certain that they will return the positive affection you so hungrily desire and crave.  You want to be everything to everyone…then everyone will love you.  If it were only this easy!  If you only had that kind of power and control over the love in your life.

It just doesn’t work that way.  You don’t have power or control over other people and their attitudes, behaviors or feelings.  The best you can hope for is to live honestly and true to yourself.  By doing so, you can then be more content and comfortable in your own skin…you will love yourself more…allowing love to come to your genuine self rather than to some “perfectly” manufactured shell of a person.  The more you love yourself, the more genuine love you will be able to give…unconditionally.  Then in turn, the more genuine will be the love that is returned in your direction.  You will begin to appreciate the fact that you have done the best that you could at any particular point in time…just as everyone else is doing and being the best they can be.

Living True to How God Has Defined You – Love

It sounds rather easy, doesn’t it?  What would it be like if you were to live true to how God has created you and defined you…being comfortable with doing the best you can do today, and accepting that as enough for now?  What a wonderful idea!  But how do you get there?

One of the most important steps in accepting yourself as less than perfect and embracing where you are today is to practice living a life full of love – with compassion and grace.  Since early in your childhood, you have been taught the importance of loving others.  It is well accepted and known that you are to “love our neighbors as yourself.”  Although that part isn’t always easy, our culture has attempted to incorporate this value and concept into our lives as a truth (even if we don’t always live it).  God tells you to live this way – and you know that you need to strive to that end.  You know and accept that love and compassion for others are what you should strive for…a concept you can easily embrace.  The part that is oftentimes much more challenging is exercising a loving and compassionate heart toward yourself.

Jesus taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Not, love your neighbor more than you love yourself, nor to love your neighbor at all costs to yourself or your self-worth.  You were taught that you should treat all people with patience, kindness, selflessness, respect, consideration, compassion and love…including yourself.  All of God’s creatures are to be embraced for being wonderful, just the way they are right now.  God’s unconditional love defines you and His grace, through the death and resurrection of Jesus, allows your repentant heart to be “good enough” in spite of your brokenness.

You Were Made In God’s Image

If you remember that you were made in God’s image and He knew your name before you were born, you may then begin to appreciate how His grace extends compassion to you.  You see, God made you special.  So special in fact, that He sent His son, Jesus to free you from your sins.  You are God’s love and you are here on earth to honor and love Him.  If you fail to honor the “temple” with which he has gifted you, aren’t you failing to honor Him?  He has given you all you have and are.  That includes your big nose, flat (or big) chest, wrinkles, sags, bags, and scars…emotional and physical.  Those things don’t make you less than perfect…that makes you perfect in His image…just as you are.  You see God doesn’t make mistakes – you are not a mistake.

To be perfect means you are just right…today, and that if you are good enough for God to treat with love and compassion – then who are you to not extend a similar grace unto yourself?  To be perfect is really just allowing the human condition to exist, even in yourself, yet still loving yourself in an unconditional way…generously and compassionately with a humble and repentant heart.  To love yourself as you love your neighbors…to strive to love all, including yourself, as God loves you…now, that’s perfection!!!!!

Know Who You Are

To help you develop a loving and compassionate pose when thinking of your self-identity, it is a good idea to be familiar with who you are and why you respond in the ways you do.  (Become familiar with your ‘buttons.’)  This knowledge helps with self-understanding.  Self-understanding then can empower you to know when it is safe to open your heart to self-compassion.  Knowing yourself means to know where you’ve been, accepting those parts of your life journey, and moving forward knowing that you are better off today than you were before – because of the lessons learned and God’s grace. 

Most importantly, your quest for perfection should be a never ending journey of getting to know your creator.  Spend time alone with God and His word.  Hear what He has to say about His character and what He has to say about you.  The Bible is an incredible love letter from God to you.  When you learn about God’s love you cannot help but have your hurts and pains released and your heart filled with His love.  Then, without even realizing it, your heart will overflow with love and it will bubble up and out into the world around you.  Your life journey is a process of learning and growing.  When you open the door to the knowledge of God’s love - joy beyond your wildest dreams will be experienced.  Now, that is perfection!

I love this verse from Psalm133.  I feel uplifted just reading it.  When I spend time thinking about it, my heart is filled with hope and joy.  It is a wonderful and pleasant thought to think of us all living in harmony!  Merriam-Webster defines “harmony” (beyond the musical definition) as, ” an internal calm”  or “a pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts” or ” an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative.”  Take any one of these definitions and tuck it into Psalm 133:1 and a beautiful picture comes to mind.

I haven’t given up hope of the possibility of living in harmony on this earth.  I know that is possible, but only if everyone desires the same harmony.  I cannot make other’s aspire to live this way – but I certainly can pray for that to happen.  In the meantime, there are things that I can do to work on my own harmonious contribution.

Internal Calm

First, how well do I practice living a life of harmony?  Am I bringing to the table of relationships an ”internal calm?”  Do I spend time with myself, my emotions and God to bring about a peace that only God can provide?  Or, am I reacting to the emotions that bubble up in me everyday? 

I must admit, I am not as good at choosing an action to my emotions as I wish I could be.  I know that sometimes my reactions are nothing more than a knee-jerk behavior which more times than not will leave me feeling out of control.  If instead, I pray and carefully consider an action in response, then I am exercising the only thing in life that I have control over and that is myself.  In order for me to experience an internal calm, I need to exercise self-control and choose appropriate actions examined through lenses of compassion and grace.  Lighten up, Jackie!

Pleasing Arrangement of Parts

Next, am I helping to create a “pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts?”   What does that look like?  Who gets to define that arrangement?  Often times I find myself looking for something to fill my life with happiness and joy.  If I feel a void in my heart, then I go looking in any and all directions for something to fill that empty place.  I really need to let go of this quest and understand that the real answer is already waiting for me – and that is the grace and love of Christ. 

I recently was turned on to an author that combines my two favorite topics into delightful reading material.  Morton Kelsey writes about religion and psychology in an almost poetic prose.  Although a heavy read and quite philosophical, it is delightful reading for those of us that groove on these two areas of study.  Dr. Kelsey writes in his book, The Other Side of Silence , ” First of all, such love is not created by our own effort.  It happens when we allow the love discovered inwardly, through meditation and ritual, to pour out through our deeds as Paul describes in I Corinthians 13.  It takes discipline and fortitude to allow this healing spring to continue to bubble up in us.  Allowing love to work through us takes some doing, but is far more certain than relying on our own efforts.”

Think about it…to open our hearts to the reality of God’s love for us, fills us to such a depth that we cannot keep the love inside.  God’s love will bubble up in us and through us to others.  It pours out of us because it can’t be contained!  Can you imagine living your life with such an over flowing heart, filled with so much love that you couldn’t help but spill it out - all over?!  Now that is a “pleasing arrangement of parts!”

A Single Narrative – Love

The word picture of love bubbling up naturally spills over into the third definition of harmony, an ”interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative.”  I want you to close your eyes for a moment and just picture it…what would the world look like if everyone allowed God’s love to flow into their hearts?  Everyone would be experiencing such joy that their cups would literally runneth over and love would be spilling around on and to everyone.  The interweaving of these streams of love would bubble up into a narrative of contentment, joy, peace, kindness – all that could be good in the world!  This picture fills my heart with hope and joy.  It is what God and His love is all about.  It is really all we need!

So, I begin today with this picture in mind – God’s love flowing into my heart, bubbling up and spilling in harmony to all.  That is what I can do about living in harmony!  I can allow God’s love to fill my heart, and then I can joyfully allow it to flow throughout my day and into the world through my actions, attitudes, and words.  I can choose to live a life of love!  Care to join me?

The above was emailed to me yesterday and I wanted to share the author’s thoughts with you all. 

I also read The Shack with similar thoughts as this author.   Have any of you read The Shack?  What were your thoughts and/or questions as you read?  Were there any areas of the book where you found yourself engulfed in anger?  Sadness?  Happiness?  Hopefulness?  How did you feel about God’s view of the abuser?  How did you feel about God’s love and compassion? 

The theme in the book that grabbed and held my heart was when God repeatedly states, “I’m especially fond of that one.”  To think that God can embrace me, in spite of myself fills me with such peace and joy.  How do you feel when thinking about the fact that He affords the same love towards you?

Love is more than just a feeling, it is participating in a connection that can be powerful in closeness. To experience the act of such love, you must challenge yourself to go to the depths of intimacy and connect with another person at a level that is seldom accomplished. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable to such a depth, the energy that can be experienced is as clear and radiant as an electrically charged bolt of lightning. The power almost raises you to a new level of experience. You are at a better place because of the exchange. The connection raises you and leaves you with a deep sense of happiness and contentment, yet you anxiously hunger for the fascinating journey that is promised.

As sentimental as this sounds (and I know it does) there is a physiological change that occurs when we experience this type of love. Over the past number of years, scientists have studied MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) of the brain when people experience love.

Researchers lead by Dr. Helen Fisher, found that feelings of intensive romantic love are linked to the area of the brain where there is a high level of dopamine activity (the brain chemical which produces feelings of satisfaction and pleasure). These areas of the brain are linked to feeling an increased energy, a motivation to win a reward, and feeling elated. In women this activity was primarily focused in the areas of the brain which are related to reward, emotion and attention. In men, the increase in activity was primarily found in the area of the brain responsible for visual processing – including the area associated with sexual arousal. (Dr Helen Fisher, of Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey)

As exciting and exhilarating as this deep love sounds, it takes a willingness to be vulnerable. You need to allow yourself to be open and exposed in all areas of love – intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical. This is why loving to these depths is seldom realized… to be this vulnerable can be frightening… and shutting down is sometimes the only way to feel safe.

Lewis Smedes (Don’t you love his name?!) in his book, Love Beyond Limits, suggests that love is a spiritual gift – a gift which comes from God. His writing suggests the need to practice loving and receiving love. I wonder if what Smedes was suggesting is that love is not just a feeling, but rather a way to live – an action word. Love is a way of being in which we make a choice to participate each day and in every relationship we encounter. Smedes encourages us to choose to live love as is outlined in his book with 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 as his model.

• Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
• It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
• It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
• Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
• Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!
• Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!
• But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.
• When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.
• Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
• Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love-and the greatest of these is love.

Think about it, it makes perfect sense! If you live a life of love and find relationship partners who strive to live love as well, then you will feel more secure in your relationships. As a result, (when you feel safe and others feel safe as well) you will be able to explore depths of intimacy that charge the electricity of connection – of living love.

So choose relationship partners wisely and look for those people who live love as I Corinthians 13: 4-13 clearly instructs. When you do, you have just opened the door to an incredible possibility and the hope of what God desires for you and your relationships.

Pray for God to help you live your life in love so that you can be more: patient,
kind, humble, polite, compromising, tolerant, even-tempered, forgiving, justice seeking, honest, perseverant, faithful, hopeful, tolerant…