Comments on: Abuse As Told by Survivor #1

By: Jackie Joens

Jackie Joens — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:21:13 +0000

C.O. -
Thank you for sharing. Please know that if you would like to share your complete story, you may! As always, postings are anonymous – only I know where they come from and who sent them to me.

Anyone who would like to share their story of survival is invited to email me at jackie@grownewhope.com. I would be honored to serve as the vessel needed for you to safely tell your story of survival and hope.

Blessings to you C.O., and to all those who fight with the hurtful shadow of abuse.
Always remember…
“Things that happen to me will change me, but I refuse to let them defeat me.” – Maya Angelou

With heart-felt compassion-
Jackie

By: C.O.

C.O. — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 04:46:32 +0000

Your story brings tears to my eyes because I lived an early life very similar to yours. For years I struggled with depression, anger and low self esteem. I believed what I had experienced growing up was all of my fault. When I left the house at age 18 and lived in my car I felt safer than being at home. For the first time I was all alone and happier than I had ever been. What I didn’t realize is, my younger brother I left behind was being vicitmized by the same two people. He took his life at age 23 . That day was a wake-up call to me in a lot of ways. All of the times I thought about suicide I kept it to myself because I thought people would think I was crazy. I didn’t know why I felt that way. I didn’t know why my own family had treated me in the ways they did for years. It is so easy to think as a child and young adult that something must be wrong with you for your own family to mistreat you so badly. I carried it around as a secret because I thought if I told anyone they would think I deserved it and I didn’t want anyone to know just what an aweful kid I was. I hid bruises on my legs and backside thru high school. I dressed in the bathroom stall instead of the locker room. All the while I was a the class clown. Looking back I realize now why I acted out at school the way I did.
I later married a man 10 years older than me and he treated me the same way. I was pushed, shoved, hit, verbally abused, locked out of my own house without shoes on my feet and called every name in the book. It was the day after I recieved the “love” and the gifts…and that kept me going. I had never been “loved” like that and I always made excuses for him because he was so nice to me the day after. I actually felt bad for having pushed him to the point of abuse. I was re-living my childhood and didn’t even realize it what was really going on. I wanted to leave so many times and tried, but that is when the abuse would get the worst. I also remember running away from home as a kid and my parents getting so mad about it. They would say similar things as him..”you always run away from your problems” and “if you tell anyone about his or try to call this abuse you will only cause more trouble for yourself.”
Thanks for sharing your story, it helps us all to know we were not the only ones. It is like a puzzle to put all of the pieces together as an adult and try to make sense of it all. But it does help. If I can make sense of it, I can be a better parent. That is the most important thing, to break the chain and give my kids the child hood I didn’t have.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Sun, 17 May 2009 00:19:05 +0000

I’m so proud of you for being open and transparent! I pray that your story will lead others to get the help they need to break the cycle of abuse and hurt. Your courage is awesome!

~hugs~

Wendy W

By: Danny Y.

Danny Y. — Sat, 16 May 2009 03:20:24 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing your story with others! Know that this will bring healing and peace to another who has been through your pains and traumas. I can relate to many of them myself as you already know about my upbringing.
When all the world seems like it’s crumbling down around you, look up and shout out to the Heavens for rescue from the darkness and uncertainty of life my friend. God Bless You always!