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May All Your Dreams Come True

Oftentimes, people are left feeling helpless in the quest for happiness and life satisfaction.  Life sometimes happens in painful or hurtful ways.  Veering us onto a detour that seems to lead away from everything we’ve wanted or dreamed of having in life.  It can sometimes seem hopeless and we can sometimes feel helpless in moving forward in living a satisfying life.

So, how can you get back on track?  How can you clear away the muck that life throws your way so that you may be able to enjoy a more satisfying and love-filled life?

It would be a mistake to think that you can achieve anything on your own merits, your own strength or your own perseverance.  You may be strong and tenacious.  But only through the power of the Holy Spirit in your heart can you experience the grace needed to move through a life full of adversity – and still experience the joy and heartfelt happiness for which we all hunger.

You cannot be a victim of your circumstances when God fills your heart.  You cannot be a victim of others when the love of Christ Jesus washes you with God’s promise and peace.  To experience God in this imperfect world is but a foretaste of all wonderful dreams coming true.  It is as close to happiness as anyone can wish to get this side of Heaven.

“Our passion for God must be awakened till it becomes the controlling center of our life.”  Larry Crabb – Soul Talk

Can you let go of your selfish need to control the circumstances of your life and give control completely over to God?

Thoughts for journaling…

Tell me about the most wonderful dream you have for your life.  What do you want for your life, more than anything else?  What is the most important goal or dream you have for you?  Tell me about what that dream looks like.  I want details and examples of what your life would be like if your dream came true – just as you want it.

Next, I want you to tell me what stands in the way of your dream becoming your reality.  What things, people, situations, etc. are getting in the way of you living your dream?  Of those things, what do you not have any control over that seem to be standing in your way?  What people are you waiting for that haven’t jumped on board with your dream and where you want to be?  What do you need from these people or things that you aren’t getting?

Now, I want you to look deep within your heart and feel the presence of the Holy Spirit.  What things are within The Holy Spirit’s power that could help your dream come true?  What do you have – deep in your heart – that you could use to make your life feel more fullfilling or happy?   What things would you need to change in order for your special dream to become your special reality?  What things and people have you given your personal power to, leaving you feeling as if they hold the key to your dream?  (If you are stuck, look at the above paragraph!)

Over what parts of your dream do you need to give up control?  Those parts of your dream to which you’re holding on so tightly that you are afraid to loosen your grip?

It is said that Thomas Aquinas believed that we have two options open to us in how to live our lives.   We can either live to get the good we think we need or we can live to enjoy the good we’ve already been given.  How do Thomas Aquinas’s words reflect on your efforts in achieving a happy life?  Are you moving forward longing for the things you think you want, or rather with a heart filled with The Holy Spirit’s power, grace and love which will guide and help you define what it is that you truely need to be happy?

Pray on this…how can you take back that power that is yours through Christ Jesus?  Right here and right now?

 

 

Posted in Living a Happy Life, Meditations/Devotions.

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By Jackie Joens – January 22, 2012

Domestic Violence 101

I’ve spoken on this subject many times, but feel the need to shout about it once again.  In just my case files alone, about 85% of my clients were victims of some sort of controlling/manipulative person/abuser in their lifetime.  It is a serious social problem that profoundly wounds the survivors at their very core.

Just yesterday, a murder suspect was found dead in southern Iowa.  Suffering what authorities believe was a self-inflicted gunshot wound.  He was wanted for the murder of his significant other and had spent 30 days in jail in 2001 for violence against her.

http://www.whotv.com/news/who-story-ringgold-shooting-investigation-011312,0,4877552.story

A WHO news reporter interviewed some of this man’s (Taylor’s) friends.  A good friend said, “It feels like a bad dream.  I just can’t imagine him ever doing anything like this.”  (I’ve paraphrased her exact words.)

All friends and neighbors of manipulative and controlling people/abusers say the same thing.  Don’t be one of those friends and/or neighbors.  Learn all you can about domestic violence.

Lesson 1 –

Do not be fooled by false stereotypes.  Controlling and manipulative behavior is abusive and knows no economic, religious, race, gender boundaries.  They can be rich or poor…well educated or not…a corporate executive or a temporary worker.   They may be sitting next to you in the pew at church on Sunday morning or on a bar stool in your local pub.
They are everywhere!

Lesson 2 –

Controlling and manipulative people/abusers are almost always charming and likable people.  They have to be so that you are fooled into believing what Taylor’s friend believed…”He isn’t that kind of guy!  She’s just out of control/crazy!”  They ARE usually very likable, unless you are the one that s/he is trying to control.

Lesson 3 –

Controlling and manipulative people/abusers do not view their significant other (or children) as human beings but rather as a piece of property that is needing to conform to their desires.  “If you do what I say, everything will be fine.  If not, then you asked for what you got and I am not responsible for the outcome – you are!”

Lesson 4 –

In cases of verbal/emotional abuse, there is an 80% chance that it will escalate to physical violence.  If verbal control and manipulation techniques fail, then the manipulator/controller will ratchet it up and take it to a more controlling level in 80% of the cases.

Lesson 5 –

If a friend, neighbor, family member talks to you about believing their partner is abusive/controlling/manipulative – TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY!  The only way to stop abuse is for others to stand up to it.  Controlling and manipulative people/abusers will only back down if their image has been damaged and they do not get the social support that they have worked hard at building.  If you challenge them about the abuse, they will slow down in their abusive behaviors – maybe even stopping.

I know of a woman who lived with a controlling and manipulative man for many years.  Then O.J. Simpson went on trial for the murder of his wife and her friend.  The media coverage brought the cold, hard reality of domestic violence into the homes of Americans – day after day.  As a result, this man stopped physically abusing his wife.  The emotional abuse continued, but he never again physically assaulted her.  It wasn’t over, but it slowed down.

We as a society must learn about the controlling and manipulative behaviors of abusers.  The impact and damage abuse can have on the heart of those victimized is real and profound.  Join me in standing up to say, “No more!”

Posted in Relationships.

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By Jackie Joens – January 14, 2012

The Gifts Of Beauty In Your Day

THE BEAUTY JOURNAL

Philippians 4:4-9

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

For years, I’ve been encouraging my clients to keep a Beauty Journal – a journal used to physically record all the things that went right in a day.  Why do I think this is an important exercise?  Well, just take a moment and look around you.  How much of your world is full of negativity and sadness, destruction and despair, heart ache and heart brokenness?  These things are everywhere!  They surround us.  And if there aren’t enough of them in your own, personal life the media will make sure that you get your fill.

It is amazing that more people are not swept away in the depths of depression when experiencing this fallen world.  I know that many chose to ignore the pain that surrounds them and they are able to “create” a world that is more comfortable by denying the reality of the world and relationships.  (i.e., “My husband really isn’t physically abusive.  He just had a bad day.”  “My daughter really doesn’t have a drug problem.  She’s just going through a phase.”  “I really do not have a drinking problem.  I just need a drink to relax after work.”  “I really want this new high definition television and paying off the credit won’t take that long.  I work hard, I deserve it.”  “I really don’t work that many hours.  Money is important.  My wife and kids understand.” …)

It is important to develop some honesty when looking at what is going on around you.  Take an honest look and take it in.  The reality of our fallen world is heavy.  But don’t stop there.  I challenge you to look deeper – for the beauty.

In and amongst all that is fallen, God provides so much that is rich and beautiful.  We just often times miss it because of all the negativity that surrounds us.  Did you know that research has revealed that it takes nine positive things to undo the impact of one negative thing on our human psyche?  It is almost as if the negativity in our world has a powerful magnet drawing our attention. It is as if we are automatically pulled to what is negative and the power that the negativity has is 9 times more powerful than a moment of joy.  It is because of this that we must become more proactive in seeking out all that is good.

If we stop looking toward those things that suck the life and  joy out of us and start looking to those things that are “true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable” and claim them as the God-given gifts they are, we would begin to enjoy more moments with God’s peace filling our hearts.  The peace that passes all understanding can be ours…it can be yours!  God has placed all that is beautiful in our world to fill us with the experience of his love.  We must seek out the beauty, claim these things as the gifts they are and hold them in our hearts.

This is where the Beauty Journal comes into play.  The negativity in our lives is a habit of thought.  Change the habit!  Actively seek  out the beauty!  The Beauty Journal is simple.  It only takes three simple steps to complete.  You can handle that!

1) Look for 10 Beautiful Things -

I challenge you to start looking for 10 things a day that bring lightness to your heart, a smile to your face, a peace to your mind.  What are 10 things that are gifts that God is bringing into your day…just 10!  They can be as simple as your car starting with the first turn of the key all the way to something as glorious a beautiful sunrise.  I don’t care what they are…I know they are there.

2) Claim Them As Your Own -

Write them down.  Get a journal (get a piece of paper!) and write them down – EVERYDAY – into your journal.  By writing them down, you are claiming them and making them your own.  Have you ever thought about claiming a sunrise as your own?  If not, why?  God could have made the sunrise without all of the beauty that comes with it.  He could have been practical and just made the sunrise simply functional.  But he didn’t.  He made it beautiful – for you!  He wants you to be reminded about how crazy he is about you!

3) Hold Them In Your Heart -

As you write these 10 things down, day after day, hold them in your heart.  Read the list, every  day!  As you read over the list of gifts that are given and you’ve claimed, the gift of the beauties literally multiplies right in front of your eyes.  You will visually see the power of God’s gifts as reminders of his presence in your life.  As you daily reflect on these gifts and praise God for them, the peace that passes all understanding will fill you.  It can’t help but happen.

What is the catch?  There is one!  You have to be an active participant.  You have to do your part.  God provides the beauty.  You have to experience it.  If someone gives you a beautifully wrapped and carefully selected birthday gift and you never open it – what’s the point?  The same is true with the gifts from God.  You have to do your part and receive them!

You must look for the gifts, claim them as your own and hold them in your heart.  When you do, you may be surprised at how the  negativity in the world loses its power and how the gifts start filling your days and your heart.  It will become a habit to look for these things.  It will become part of you.  God’s love will fill you and you will experience God in every beautiful thing.  From the pen that has ink in it to the awesome show of a lightening display to the song of a bird to the laughter of a baby – God’s love will flow through the gifts he is giving you and the peace that passes all understanding will fill your heart and mind – negativity will have no room!

Change your life – look for God’s gifts of beauty!

Posted in Living a Happy Life, Love, Meditations/Devotions.

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By Jackie Joens – January 3, 2012